This is not going to be an article with a satisfying ending. Because, really, I don’t know the answer. But it’s something interesting that most if not all authors bump into at one time or another in their writing lives, and I think it’s worth being aware of.
You’ve probably all heard writers whining that the books they just finished were career-ending disasters. Maybe you’ve felt this yourself. I have a friend who turns in “the worst thing she’s ever written” every single time. She’s genuinely disheartened, embarrassed, sure this is the end. Then her editor loves it, and it sells terrifically well. Does she ever learn? Nope.
For a long time I couldn’t understand this phenomenon, and assumed she and people like her were just whining for attention, putting their expectations low to avoid rejection. I always liked my books. Often I loved them. I never turned in anything I wasn’t proud of. What was their problem?
Then (scary music) it happened to me. On my second women’s fiction book for Avon/HarperCollins, my twentieth book. I’d lost it. No spark, no interest. I couldn’t write. And yet every time I reread a chapter, I’d think hmmm, this isn’t so bad. But I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was penning the most dismally dull tale ever written. I turned the book in and waited an agonizing month to hear what I was sure I’d hear-that the entire thing needed to be rewritten, or worse, thanks and don’t let the door hit me on the way out. You can probably guess what happened. A few tweaks, but my editor said it was publishable as it was, that she hadn’t been able to put it down.
So how do you know when you’re feeling a true instinct-something is really wrong with this book-and when you’re just neurotic (ahem). How do you know when to listen to what your inside voice is telling you-the book needs changing, something isn’t working-or when you’re just lacking in confidence?
I have no idea! Isn’t that helpful? Maybe I got a clue when I reread the chapters expecting them to be as plodding and dull as I felt, and couldn’t find anything to fix. I probably should have asked a trusted friend to read the book for a more objective opinion. I probably should have sat down and made a list of all the very real reasons why writing this book, above all others I’d written, was terrifying, and therefore why I was more likely to be afraid.
But no, I just suffered (good choice, Isabel). So I have no really good solution, but I do have advice: Be aware. Don’t panic. Try to get to the core of your feelings and weed out the fear from the instinct. Just be aware that they can be very tricky little devils to sort out.
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- Practical Intuition A Column by Dale KetchamAs a writer have you ever found yourself down on your knees asking for help from above? Perhaps because of a scene that isn’t working but you can’t figure out why? Or maybe you’ve written twenty thousand words headed nowhere? It was at such a time...
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Oh, yes. I can completely relate to this! This happens to me all the time now. I think I’ve completely lost my perspective about my writing. I can’t tell if anything works anymore. It’s nuts.
It might be due in part to the added pressure of writing under contract. It’s as if I now have someone sitting on my shoulder scrutinizing every word I write to see if it measures up to my new “published” standard. I keep second guessing EVERYTHING — the characters, the plot, every darned line! In fact, I was so scared when I turned in my last book, certain the editor would tell me to start over, that the whole thing was a disaster. Instead, she gushed about it! I was flabbergasted.
Then the same thing happened with the proposal I just turned in. I VERY reluctantly sent it to my agent. In fact, I only mailed it to her because I couldn’t stand to look at it any more and she kept asking where it was. I was so surprised when she loved it! I asked her if I shouldn’t revise it (again!) and she said NO, and mailed it to my editor before I could tinker with it some more.
I’m glad to hear that it’s just not me!!!!
:drunk :pound :cooldance :cooldance :cooldance
Hey I feel like everything I write is just junk that it will never be good enough. I figured no one would understand that feeling. I wanted to post I have !,351 words left until reachign 25,000 words. I want ot come home from work tonight and write those words and post that I made it tomorrow. This story needs editing and stuff but hey I got a story that actually makes sense lol.
:cool :cowboy :party :write :hug
Gail, I think that terrible fear is actually pretty common. I was just lucky to escape it for so long. Go figure. I’m convinced that writing is a form of mental illness.
Kathy, YOU GO! You’re nearly there!
Isabel
Who typed this without her glasses, so who knows whether I spelled anything remotely correctly
:bow I am seriously tired I wrote that comment after working 11pm to 7am and then got up and went back in at 5 pm tonight and worked until 11pm. I am seriously tired because we were seriously busy. :sassy
I HAVE TO SAY I AM DANGED PROUD OF MYSELF! This is the first time a story has come to me where I knew how I wanted it to go. It is really really rough needs lots of editing and loose ends still have to be tied up. But I am amazed at me lol. Here it is: 25,029 01:20 am Saturday, May 31, 2008. Still more to go but finished for tonight. I made the challenge!
:bounce :waving :dance :bounce :cooldance :bow
Thanks so very much to everyoen for the challenge. I think I am ready to callit anight and fall inmy bed now.
Please forgive all the typos, I’m really tired tonight :hug :hug :hug :hug :hug .
Congratulations, Kathy! I’m glad this month has been worthwhile for you. What a nice accomplishment!!! :clap
So this is the end of our month…. How did everyone do? Any more success stories? I fell short of my goal (no surprise there), but I have a much better handle on this story.
It has been a lot of fun touching bases with people and hearing about all of your success. :clink I’m going to miss this!
Hi All,
It is 11.35pm here in Australia and I’ve finished the challenge with 27,218 words. YAYAYA. :dance
:partyhat :party
Now I have twenty five minutes and I start another challenge, ‘50ks In 30 Days’ with 51 other Aussie girls. So I’m going to continue with this project until it’s finished as well as work on a couple of other WIP’s.
Thanks Ally and Host’s for a great month. :goodjob
Congrats to all the other challengers :wave
Goo d luck with the rest of your day. :cooldance :bounce
Hugs :hug
Sandie :write
Hurrah, Sandie! Great job!!!! :clink
Kathy and Sandie, way to go! Definitely time to celebrate.
Isabel
:cooldance Well done, Sandie!!!